Helen bit her lip, trying
to decide. Truth, or dare? A tough call. Eventually, she realized there was
only one choice; she had too many secrets to go with truth. “Dare.”

“Okay,
you asked for it, y’know?” Rebecca smirked; she must’ve had something especially
wicked planned. “You have to go out, for a whole month, with New Guy.” Helen
sighed, and her other friends made traditional ‘oooOOooo’-ing sounds.

She
started to protest, but Rebecca cut her off. “You know the rules. It’s too late
to back out now.” She looked first to Cindy, then to Sarah, but found no solace
in their eyes. She tried to be cheerful through the rest of the game, but
everything seemed hollow.

Later
that night, she moped around in her underneath-the-dumpster home in the back of
the burger joint. She decided that it’d be best to start right away, before the
three of them had a chance to tell too many rats. She’d be hearing about this
forever. Of course, any shame they heaped on would not be the first for Helen.
For one, Rebecca still lead. That galled Helen to no end.

For
it was Helen who’d done all the work getting the group together. Helen who
sought out each rat individually, and gotten their aid. Helen who organized
them, got them to share resources, and in general improved the quality of all
their lives by banding them together. Unfortunately for her, they seemed to
have forgotten by now.

Rebecca
had been the last of Helen’s recruits, and the young rat had sounded a
visionary. Reasoning that if they wanted to band together to improve, like
humans, they’d do well to continue the process, Rebecca took over seeking out
ways to ‘act more human’. There hadn’t been a strict hierarchy then... each rat
did what they thought best. Helen noted that humans did not leave many of their
number out. In one night, she recruited two dozen followers, telling them that
she was the ‘leader’ and effectively gaining control.

She
even looked it. Stone-gray fur and penetrating red eyes, Rebecca was also
completely free of the asymmetry and wounds that most mature rats sported.
Helen herself had a small patch of missing fur running down the back left side
of her neck thanks to a nasty scar she’d gotten from an angry territorial
female. That mark, combined with her plain brown fur and plain black eyes, made
her look perfect. As a follower.

However
they looked, Rebecca did not belong making the decisions. There was a good
reason Helen had kept their numbers down before: any large number rats were too
great a task to handle. Using the little clout she had, Helen broke them up
into several small groups that only contacted each other rarely. Even so,
Rebecca retained overall control. Thankfully for Helen, Rebecca kept the
original leader around, putting her in a group with her and two rats Rebecca had
recruited. The rats Helen recruited... Rebecca convinced them to go in to the
same fast food joint Helen had her home behind, and they never came back out.

The
next morning, after an inconsistent sleep, Helen trekked over to New Guy’s
place. Everyone called him that because nobody knew his name; he didn’t really
talk to other people. He had just sort of shown up one day. He wasn’t ugly or
anything, he was just weird. Too weird to be around, in Helen’s already tenuous
social position. This new rat was a fine example of Rebecca’s actions: he had
stopped at Rebecca’s home when he first arrived, but she claimed to have mocked
him until he cried and walked off to sulk. Not just claimed-she had bragged
about it. He could have been a very valuable asset; solitary males did far
better in the world of rats than solitary females, and were far less attracted
to the offer of protection.

As
she nervously approached his hole, she started to think that maybe he might not
agree to it, and she might be saved disgrace in the end. After all, she would
have tried her best. Even Rebecca couldn’t fault her for that. There—she had
just been genuinely worried that Rebecca would disapprove. The feeling was bad,
but the awareness of the cause was like claws running across her brain.

Helen
was just about to climb into the hole when a strong voice sounded behind her.
“Who are you?” She froze for an instant, but only an instant; obviously it was
just the hole’s resident protecting his property. She turned around to greet
the enigmatic rat.

“Um...
Helen...” She pretended to be nervous, and fiddled with her tail. To her
disappointment, it didn’t have the effect it normally did. Up close, she could
tell he was wearing clothing. Clothing had been one of the first things their
group had tried, but they could never work out how to make it. It seemed like
this ‘freak’ was better at doing Rebecca’s job than Rebecca was.

“This
wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with that game of Truth or Dare you were
playing yesterday, would it?” His moved his paw underneath the cloth.

She
really was nervous, now. He hadn’t threatened her yet, but something in his
voice implied he might well wish her harm. “It’s an exercise for... H-... How
did you know about that?” He took a step toward her.

“I’ve
been watching your little group of rats. I have to... relearn some things.” He
was still intently staring into her eyes. Helen was used to other people being
unwilling to meet her gaze; desperately wanting to look away from
someone else’s was a very new– and unsettling –experience for her.

“Okay...”
He nodded briefly to himself, then looked up into the sky, breaking the effect.
Helen looked around for a convenient exit. Light was barely visible a ways into
his home, so she slowly backed toward it. At this point, Helen was willing to
take whatever Rebecca could throw. As she considered the possibility, her
resolve wavered. Rebecca could throw quite a lot.

“Weighing me against
Rebecca? An odd one, her.” He laughed a little, though Helen couldn’t see why.
“She does what she can to push you down a path you don’t want to walk. You
can’t miss what you don’t know, and you can’t have what she’s explaining to
you.” Seeing Helen’s glazed expression, he changed topics. “The exit’s the way
you came... can’t get out in there. I suggest you leave soon, if you’ve nothing
else to say. The mere fact that you’re here proves that you’ve got almost as
many issues as I have, but yours are less... hm... hostile.” Helen had lost him
way before ‘mere’. She just wanted to get an agreement out of him and leave.

“Okay...”

“I don’t get it. This is
absurd. Surely you can see that. ‘Going out’? Rats don’t do that. Humans do.”

“Right.”

“...what?”

“I said, right. Humans do
that.”

“You’re not a human.
You’re a rat. I’m a rat...” He laughed again. “You see? You’re just like me.
Deep down, everyone is just like me... Some just don’t admit it.”

“Great...
... ... Does that mean you’ll at least pretend to go out with me for a month?”

“I’m
boring you, aren’t I?” He sighed, and rubbed his forehead with one of his paws.
Even though she couldn’t understand most of what he said, she could still see
that he wasn’t making sense. “In light of the last six months of my life, this
is really something. I’m here, out in the open, trying to fend off a lady
caller at my door. Me, who really doesn’t belong anywhere but a shoebox six
feet down. In all, what does it matter? Two years from now, it’ll be over. The
game will be ended for you, but I’ll still be here...” He again started his odd
chuckling noise. “You gone... me here... them gone... me here... Oh, what a
beautiful grand design that is. This really means a lot to you, doesn’t
it?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Why
don’t you just tell them to go to hell? You’re not their slave. No one should
be a slave to anything.”

“I
can’t!”

“Tell
you what. I’ll do it, but only if you agree to not ignore me. You don’t have to
pretend to like me, but you do have to listen. After our ‘dates’-what a stupid
term that is-will be lessons. I will try to pass on what I know, and you will
spread it to your descendants, so I don’t take it with me to the grave which
waits at an unnatural distance, thanks to some scientists I used to work for.”
For some strange reason, the words ‘thanks to some scientists’ almost seemed to
cause him physical pain. Bad blood, that. I know how it can be. She was
contemplating the end of the statement because the rest had flown far over her
head.

“I
don’t understand what you mean.” It was going to be hard, spending an entire
month being talked down to.

“I
know. But you will. You will learn that I am a self-absorbed piece of disease
alive without a body. That means that... yes, I will do that for you.”
Grateful, not so much for the inexplicable favor as for the opportunity to
leave, Helen gave a curt thank-you. As soon as his back was turned, she ran as
fast as she could.

..._...

One
week into her dare, Helen was beginning to realize that things were different
than they’d seemed. Most of the rats she worried about shunning her didn’t
care; only Rebecca gave her any grief, and she always did that. The others
understood that Helen wasn’t acting like a fool of her own accord. It may have
been wishful thinking, but Rebecca’s stature actually seemed to drop a little
because of it. The ‘freak’ himself wasn’t all that bad to be around. He had
even started dropping off food for her without being asked, though that had
come later.

That
night, like every night after they publicly met, she saw him in an alley and
went for a walk; the ‘lessons’ he demanded. Helen really resented her
situation; because she had to go through with this, he was in the
position to set any kind of absurd condition he wanted. At first, he had mostly
just tried to convince Helen to stop coming. The thing was, Rebecca brought Helen’s
food.

Living
in a church as she did, Rebecca could get into the food they set out for the
homeless. She always brought out enough for everyone, so nobody had to eat
trash. Their group had been doing this for so long that eating garbage to
survive had become unthinkable; anyone who did so was marked out by the smell
that hovered around her, and she was immediately excluded.

No
good food meant excluded from the group, excluded meant going elsewhere for
sustenance, and going elsewhere meant competing with the stronger males and
attached females, and that meant death. A pretty little spiral that nobody
talked about and everyone was aware of. The groups had been such a good idea at
the outset, but now she couldn’t leave. And so we play silly little games,
talk about silly little things, and in general do whatever else Rebecca wants
us to. Rebecca was always showing them some new thing she had learnt, or
some new idea she wanted to try, each more inane than the last.

At
the moment, she was waiting for the ‘freak’ to show up. He really was messed
up; for one, he didn’t have a name. Of course, not having a name was normal;
names were something Rebecca had introduced. It was that he refused to take one
on. That was just the smallest thing. However, he was fun to talk to most of
the time, and actually seemed to care; hence his gifts of food after she’d
described her situation.

Whatever
she’d been thinking about was pushed out of her head when she saw him
approaching. While their obligatory public meetings were still embarrassing in
their absurdity, she didn’t mind the walks much; Helen fancied she seemed much
smarter around her friends now, and nobody was watching the two of them. “Are
you gonna tell me about your past today?” He had promised to tell her where
he’d come from on the last day they’d speak to each other, ‘whichever day I
choose, because my statement will cause my condition.’ In recompense, he had
sworn to answer any other question she might have. Helen thought the whole
thing a fine joke, but he never laughed.

“Why
so anxious? It’s not been a month yet.” He kept going, causing her to fall into
his wake like a lost puppy. “Or do you still think you’ll stick around after
you find out? I can’t afford to have people next to me, you know. Or rather, they
can’t afford to be around me. I’m banking on the fact that you’ll have
nightmares featuring my face; don’t burst my precious bubble.”

They
were silent for a moment, him giving her time to ponder. Then, he continued.
“What was I talking about?”

“You
meant that... um... You were sure that telling me where you came from will make
me go away? And you didn’t want me to disprove that? And that you want to be
alone because you think that you hurt people?”

He
nodded once; she usually didn’t get more of a response then that. In a way, it
was better than she’d hoped; he hardly ever made her feel stupid anymore. “I
don’t think I hurt people. I know it.”

“Then
why are you trying to teach me so much?”

“Two
reasons. One, to spite Rebecca. I see what she’s trying to do, and I know that
seeing someone else doing it better would absolutely drive her mad.” Helen had
to wait a moment for the cackle he did when he made a joke for only his ears.
“Two, well... By talking to you, I had hoped to teach myself what it was like
to act normally in a world before... before I became what I am.”

“Then
why do you want it to end after the month is over?” He regarded her over his
shoulder, with an odd expression on his face.

“No.
I was waiting for you to ask this, and no. I will not do that, I could not do
that to any theoretical child, and I will not be your easy out of Rebecca’s
clutches. Do not ask again.”

Helen
blushed a little, but continued anyway. “Not just that! If you actually want
something from me, what makes you think you’ll get it within a month?”

“I
don’t.”

“Then
why...?”

“It’s
complicated. Why so inquisitive? Aren’t you yet sick of your ‘freak’?”

Helen
waved off his objections. “I want to learn. Every day, I’m surrounded by humans
who know more in their infancy than I’m likely to ever learn. Then, I see you,
who seems to know as much as any of them. I’d have to be a fool not to seize
that.”

“Just...
be careful. I’m a bad person, Helen. When I was a kid, the bogeyman only
visited me to deliver progress reports. Hell, I was the bogeyman for a
whole valley of rats. I’d make the decision for you and leave, but that seems
odd, doesn’t it? I’m the insane one, after all. It wasn’t even always ‘one’.
Have you ever had a conversation with your conscience?”

“Uh...
no.”

Hearing
the answer he wanted to hear, he continued. “And how about fighting with it for
survival? Just you and it inside your skull, and one of you has to die. Can you
imagine what it would be like, having to win that fight and eat part of yourself?
Feeling part of your personality die in your grasp, and fade away forever? As
if that weren’t bad enough, there’s emptiness! Always this clawing void, where
some part of you used to be. You know you should feel some remorse,
but nothing! You know you should think twice, but nothing makes you! Gone
forever, and you’re half a rat. Less than half.”

For
her own sake, Helen didn’t even try to understand him. “So then you’ll stay?”

He
sighed, realizing for once that he may have gone too far from tact. “Only if
you’re absolutely certain. And, the question I failed to answer earlier... Yes.
Yes, I very much want a return to normalcy. I want to be able to look in a
mirror without smashing it. I want to rebuild what’s left of me. But I will not
recount any steps I’ve made; I won’t use force to get what I need. It’s bad
enough I’m here now. Being around me is dangerous; I’ve ‘forced’ you into it so
far by keeping you ignorant. Forgive me that selfish decision.”

Like
she always did when he started to spout off like that, Helen ignored him.
Eventually, she asked an innocent question about a piece of technology, and the
topic died.

..._...

Helen
relaxed in the church with Rebecca, Cindy, and Sarah. The latter two were full
of questions about the human world, like they were every day. Rebecca was being
a bitch, like she had been every day since that stupid Truth or Dare game. Stupid
game? Bitch? What happened to ‘exercise’, and ‘leader’? God, I’ve really
changed, haven’t I? She had actually noted the slipshod construction of the
rundown church today, whereas before she’d just been thankful for the
relatively clean room within the wall and the light streaming in between the
boards.

“Your
month is almost up, y’know?” Rebecca regarded her calmly. “You don’t have to
keep seeing the freak any more.” Helen could smell the relief on Rebecca.
That’s what made up her mind.

“I
don’t think I will, actually. Look how much he’s told me about the world of
man.”

“So
that’s it, is it? He even brings food, right to your door. You think you can
just abandon us. Well, he won’t be here forever. He’s a drifter, and he’s older
than you. Once he’s dead or gone, my door will be closed to you.” Cindy and
Sarah gasped simultaneously, and Helen was more than a little worried. Rebecca
was right; he wouldn’t be there forever. Helen hadn’t considered that.
Rebecca waited a moment before continuing. “It’s not too late, Helen. Just say
your good-byes. Walk up to him, and say “let’s just move on, y’know”? Then its
back to life like normal. Can’t you see what he’s done? You hardly ever join in
anymore, and yet you admit he’s unstable. He gives you food that you rely on,
and yet you know it’s temporary. This is all because of a game, Helen. Don’t
let it change the rest of your life.”

Helen
had a very long walk home, and an even longer time to wait before she fell
asleep. Tomorrow, after their meal, she would drop it on him. A fast break was
supposed to be better than dancing around the issue, and she trusted him enough
not to kill her.

Barely.

..._...

“No.
It’s your... decision. It’s... your... decision...” He was choking out his
words, shaking like a rat having a seizure. Eyes unfocused... ears blood red...
what was wrong with him? His implacable outer shell had shattered like glass!

“Look,
I’m really sorry-”

“NO!”
The small fragment of wood in Helen’s home they were using as a table fractured
when he slammed his fist into its undeserving top. He reached for her, but
stopped; went for his knives, but froze. “It is your decision! I had no
right! NO RIGHT! What did I think, that a few months of unwitting therapy via
discussion could remove all the bad shit I stuffed in me my entire LIFE? I’m
too fucked up to ever get myself anything good, and I’ve done so many things
that I don’t deserve to have it come to me unaided!” She’d always known that
something was seriously wrong with him, something he had always kept under a
tight lid. And now Helen had taken that lid and burnt it away.

She
chewed her lower lip, unsure of how to proceed. She knew his self-esteem was
lacking, but this? Worse than she’d ever dreamed. She decided to just go with
what Rebecca had told her to say, and she hated herself for it. “Let’s just
move on, y’know?” Poetic justice at its worst. Helen did not expect much out of
that night’s lesson.

He
froze. “I... see. Well. Life has opted to give me cyanide instead of lemons
after all, it seems.” He slowly stood up. “You play the hand you’re dealt,
Helen, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fold.” The strange rat walked out of the
room. Just before leaving, he turned back to her with a bizarre expression that
he was fighting to contain. “...and if I die tonight, there’ll be no lesson.”

..._...

Rebecca
stood quietly, listening to the humans above her. Her little home- an empty
space in the wall of a church -was long and narrow, and the only decorations
were a few bits of exposed metal. That, and a forgotten pulley in the corner
for hauling up construction materials. Her spot was great for eavesdropping.
Not on the sermon—that hardly changed, and it wasn’t very interesting. She
wanted to hear what the other humans were talking about. She would
lift her girls above ordinary rats, even if she had
to dominate their food supply to do it. Once her group reached their goal, the
others would follow. The service was almost over; the pastor had begun his
final message. At that moment, a rat charged into the room.

“Brothers and sisters, go in peace.”

He
was furious, but that wasn’t the first thing Rebecca noticed. The first thing
that caught her eye, just had it had done when she’d first met him, was the
clothing he wore. Trying to be like the humans. Trying to usurp her position.
It was that horrible freak she’d sent Helen to, mostly to show the girl how
much she needed Rebecca. Reaffirming Helen’s “loyalty” was dreadfully
important; many of the rats looked up to her and rumors that she’d led before
Rebecca were rampant. “What are you doing here? Again?”

“Live in harmony with one another.”

He
just looked at her oddly. Rebecca opened her mouth to ask again, but he moved
too quickly, pinning her up against the wall she had been leaning against.
Producing a tiny rope from his abnormal clothing, he tied her arms to a nail
head. Then he produced a candle from his pocket and lit the wick, despite there
already being enough light to see by. Worst of all, he pulled out a little
piece of paper with his own writing on it. He was an example of everything she
hoped to eventually reach, and he had gotten there first! Throughout this, she
remained outwardly calm. If she died, Helen would starve. Surely he knew that.

“Serve the Lord with gladness.”

The
rat slapped a hand next to Rebecca’s head and leaned forward, then shoved the
piece of paper in her face. “I know you can’t read this, but it says as
follows: ‘May Rebecca – that’s you! – reap the fate she sealed for me. May the
poison she manifested unto the world fall back in full on her sorry head so
that she may suffer as I have suffered. May she get what she deserves.’ Cute,
no?” He held the candle up to the paper, burning it while muttering rapidly
under his breath “Micama! goho Pe-IAD! Norezodacahisa otahila Gigipahe! Do-o-i-ape mada: goholore,
gohus, amiranu!”

“The Lord bless you and keep you.”

“Well,
that was certainly fun, wasn’t it?” He seemed to ponder his next step, then he
licked his lips lecherously. “If you knew anything, which you do not, you would
probably be even more afraid than your scent tells me you are right now. But
first, there’s something I’d like very much to do.” He snaked his left hand up,
and grabbed her by the chin. Then he leaned forward, with an expression of
anticipation on his face. Preparing herself for the worst, she was surprised
when his other hand shot in and raked her across the face, spinning her head to
the right and opening a trio of cuts on her cheek. He enjoyed a laugh at her
surprise. “I won’t pretend my present state is at all your fault, but that
doesn’t mean I’m not going to take it out on you. You needn’t worry about
anything other than your life, but worry quite a lot about that.”

“The Lord make his face shine on you and be
gracious to you.”

Rebecca
watched in horror as the rat pulled out a very thin reddish-brown knife and
waved it in front of her face; it was coated in dried blood by the smell. She
managed to let out her breath when he turned and walked slowly away. Crazy,
but at least he’s thinking enough to know that Helen’s survival hinges on mine.
Then, moving with the speed of a nightmare, he whirled and threw the knife
with his eyes shut.

“The Lord look on you with favor, and give
you peace.”

Helen
walked into the room to see him throwing a knife and Rebecca screaming. The
blade went wide, but it caught a freak angle off of an exposed bolt and
ricocheted straight at Rebecca. It pinned her up against the wall with a
disgusting thunk, piercing the back of her open mouth and freezing her eyes in
an open and surprised expression for an instant. Then she slumped forward,
having lost muscle control.

“Amen.”

..._...

The
service in the church had ended, apparently; all the humans were shuffling out.
Their bulky bodies intermittently blocked the sunlight streaming in, creating a
very slow and erratic strobe effect. She waited for his next move... That he
had killed Rebecca was no great deal to her; he was a male protecting his
territory. Plus, she didn’t like Rebecca.

“Helen...
I had hoped you wouldn’t have to see this. My goodbye sounded so much better on
paper.” He was standing in the corner, next to a pulley; for the first time
since she had met him, his face softened. Then he was obscured by a shadow.
“You deserve better.” He laughed a little. “I came here to be normal. I
didn’t want to end up like this. Surrounded by death and privately hoping for
mine. Well... here’s to hope.” He pulled out his other knife and slashed at the
decayed rope; Helen watched helplessly as the remaining threads snapped in
rapid succession. The mostly-full forgotten pail of bricks they had previously
held up was now crashing down on the head of the only person who had ever
actually cared for her well-being.

Slowly
at first, then building momentum as the rope gave less and less resistance, the
weight plummeted at her friend. He started screaming inexplicably. “NO! This
ends here! I did all you wanted! I’m free of you, Schultz! I don’t want to hurt
anyone else! Let me die! Let... .. m e... .. ..” Sobs choked off the last, and
he reluctantly and inexplicably jumped out of the way at the last instant.
“...be... free...” He lay there, covering his head with his hands. Muted
whimpering of a feminine persuasion drew Helen’s attention away from him to
Rebecca.

Closer
inspection revealed that the odd angle of the knife’s impact caused it to miss
any vital areas; it was just a messy flesh wound. She pulled it out. “Hehlen!
Shank Gohd youah heah! Shat freak...dishd shish to mhe... Quihk! While he’sh
down! Kill him!” Helen looked down at the bloody knife in her paw, the
unfamiliar tool lending her a strange feeling of power. She was back in
control. It felt good. Really good. “It’sh what he wantsh!”

Making
the decision she wanted to before, but had lacked the courage to choose, Helen
firmly grasped the knife with her right paw. “What about what I want,
for a change? Maybe I want you pinned up against a wall as much as he
does!” Despite bleeding heavily, Rebecca managed a wordy reply.

“You’re
too weak to live wishout me! You need me to protecht you from tshe oshers! I’m
tshe mud tsaht holdsh ush togeasha! Wishout me, your noshing but cohmon ratsh!
Tshe... tshe humansh...”

“No.
I don’t need you anymore.” She gestured at the sobbing rat with his knife.
“I’ve found another. Freak he may be, but at least he hasn’t hung death over my
head, and he might actually succeed where you’ve so miserably failed.” She
flipped the blade around so that it pointed in front of her when her arm was at
rest. “Common rats? Yes. But you? You’re worse.”

“What?
Sho you shink shat he’sh a bettah teacha? Look aht him! I mean, really look!
He’sh shobbing like a baby! You guysh whon’t lasht one wheek whish him! He’sh
not goihng to lasht forevah, and beshides, he’sh a monstah! He doshent care
about you, he only caresh about himshelf! You don’t know wheah he’sh been, what
he’sh done! I know! He told me! He-” A quick slice silenced
Rebecca’s words, before they could get any farther under Helen’s skin.